Actions Speak Louder Than Words

“Mommy… I love you!” The words melt your heart because you know they are the truest ones you’ll ever hear from anyone. Your precious child… the one you carried and bore… the one that you would do anything for… no matter what.

Our children have the ability to inflict unspeakable joy as well as tremendous pain to our hearts and souls. Forgiveness and our unconditional love for them is what allows a mother to overlook the hurts… this level of love is reserved only to these souls who’ve entered into our lives. Spouses, lovers and friends are not subject to this type of unconditional love.

I’ve often told my children that their actions speak louder than their words… a cliché it may very well be, but so much truth is forced through this simple yet powerful statement. Our children may shower us with gifts and loving words, but actions of disobedience and disrespect reveal a disturbing truth. I understand fully that our children will do things that they’ll later regret and through their actions of genuine remorse, we see their love.

Relationships with adults are different. When you’ve opened up your heart and laid it upon the altar… bare and naked, you’ve given something of yourself. It’s the ‘do unto others as you’d have them do unto you’ kind of thing. Actions as well as words will create a loving bond between two people or drive a wedge between their two hearts. Love and trust must be nurtured or a necessary good-bye must sadly be said.

You find yourself at a crossroad and you have to ask yourself… “Are you going to do it again? Are you going to except the pain again?”

Before you step onto either road, consider your heart because actions do speak louder than words.
Until next time,
Jean

Character

“The content of your character is your choice. Day by day, what you do is who you become.” ~Heraclitus

Character is one thing that once you’ve acquired it, it becomes one with you.
The potential for a desirable character is one that should be sought after.
No matter what you attempt, you’ll eventually become what you think of yourself.
You’ll fill your life with what you feel… what you want to be… what you desire.
You are what you allow yourself to spend time with, at and in.

There’s a children’s song that goes, ‘Be careful little eyes what you see; be careful little ears what you hear; be careful little feet where you go.’ There’s something very awe-inspiring in these childish lyrics. Something so true and daunting.

What you feed grows, what you starve dies… so is true not just with living things, but with our minds and souls and hearts.

My children think I go overboard with some things… and maybe I do.  But my motives are very good and right.

They are love.
Love for their souls and their lives.

Our children will accuse us of being overbearing and too strict. They don’t understand that we genuinely want what’s best for them… for their souls. Children are seeking adventure and those forbidden things are oh so tempting.

My daughter is much like myself… that’s good and that’s bad. She is strong-willed (like me) and very determined (like me). We butt heads occasionally because of this. I want so desperately to protect her… but she has informed me, on more than one occasion, that she will have to learn some things on her own. It’s her life and she realizes that she’ll make mistakes along the road… but their her mistakes to be made. True enough.

But as a mother, I long to grab her up and hold onto her and protect her from all the evil and dangers. I long to be the shield that goes before her to withstand all the fiery darts of the wicked one.

I want to be… her mommy like when she was little.
I am not and neither is she.
Taylor is a young woman with drive and determination.
She will overcome. She will succeed. She will be the woman I know God created her to be…

Until next time,
Jean

Never let me go…

“A mother and her child were crossing a river… the mother asked her child to please hold her hand, but the small child quickly retorted, “No, you hold my hand!” The mother looking at her child perplexed asked what the difference would be. Her child innocently replied, “If I hold your hand and something happens to me I might let go of yours. But I know that no matter what happens, you’ll never let go of mine.” Author unknown

I think we’ve all had moments with our children like the one described above. Our children have total faith and trust in us. They rely on us for their basic needs and trust that we’ll provide them. Shelter, warm meals, clean clothes and unconditional love are the four basics in my opinion with the later being of utmost importance.

When I look at my children and reminese over the years gone by with the older ones, there is a longing that I would have done things differently… done things with a bit more patience… thought things through a bit more clearly.  I don’t think I’m the only mom to feel that way. I also look back over the years and believe that I did my best with what I had at those moments… I know that my heart was in the right place…  I know that I genuinely tried to show them love the best I could.

I’ve always said that being a mother is schooling in itself… no matter how many little souls you claim. Yes, the more you are blessed with can add it’s challenges. The different personalities and temperaments… the easy ones and the tad-bit more difficult ones. Parenting is by far life’s largest classroom.

…but in the end I believe that if we can look back and say, “I did my very best and gave all the love my heart could give…”

They’ll know
They’ll forgive our short-comings
They’ll be able to come to us and thank us for all we did… faults and all

A mother holds her child’s hand only for a short while.  Before we know it they’re ‘too big’ for that and even more quickly they’re off and on the wings of adulthood.  Although some days I feel like I’m just stumbling about, I know deep in my heart that I love being a mommy and wouldn’t change that a bit… and I’ll never let them go.

Until next time,
Jean

The Loss of a Child

It’s been three years since a good friends young daughter, only twenty-one at the time, died of cancer.  She’d recently been married… just six short months when she was diagnosed with liver cancer. The tumor, quite large by now was said to be inoperable due to its location… on a main artery.

Laura fought an agonizing battle for just more than a year. Though she chose all natural therapy, which I commend her for… it was too far gone.

I remember when we all found out… you just wonder “why?”

Memories of days gone past came rushing in.

I remembered the time I took Laura out driving with our cameras because she wanted me to teach her how to ‘capture moments’… we had such a fun day.

I remembered the years I took our school children’s photo’s and she and her cousin were my assistants.

I remembered her vibrant, bouncy, youthful air… her love for life… her joy that overflowed to all around… her beautiful voice when she sang… her radiant smile.

I remember when we found out and I looked at my daughter Taylor only a bit younger.  I was so thankful it wasn’t her.

I remember feeling so selfish. I loved Laura and I loved her mom… we’re friends. But my god, I was so glad it wasn’t Taylor.

I remember the day Taylor and I went for a visit.  She was laying on the couch… a bulging balloon-like thing under the covers where her stomach should have been. She was always thin, but now a skeleton… why?

I remember her smile and chipper attitude as we visited… that was Laura…

I remember pulling out of the driveway realizing it wouldn’t be long and we’d soon get the call for funeral arrangements…

I remember pulling our of the driveway looking at Taylor and being so grateful it wasn’t her…

I remember thinking about my friend and what it must feel like to watch her beloved daughter die… and not being able to do anything about it…

I felt numb.

Can anything compare to the love a mother has in her heart for her child…
Can the depth of devotion be any stronger… any purer…
Can the ache in our heart when they ache be any fiercer…

I write this tonight for all those that have lost a child to this monster…
I write in memory for your lose and your pain…
I write it humbly, not truly understanding that pain, yet honoring it…

Until next time,
Jean

The Love of a Child

A few weeks ago it was a warm, sunny day and I was canning.  All of a sudden Evan comes storming in the house and runs up to me.  Looking at me so innocently he says, “Mom…. the sun is shining and it’s warm outside. Why don’t you come out…(very, very exaggerated with the ‘out’).

“Well Evan… I wish I could, but mom’s got to get these tomatoes canned…”

“But the sun is shining… just don’t can!”

I stopped what I was doing and looked at him. My heart was radiating such love for my dear little boy who knows how much his mom treasures being outdoors.  I wiped my hands on a towel and knelt down so I could look him in his eyes… “Evan… if I don’t can what would we eat?”

“Just buy the stuff!” he says quite emphatically without truly understanding what that would mean.

I gazed in his eyes a bit and with my hands on his elbows brought him closer to me.  “Evan… we could never buy all the good things that mom cans for us. I know what we are eating and I don’t want to buy those things in the store. That’s why we garden… and that’s why I can. I wish I could come outside, but I love you so much, I’m going to finish canning…”

He looked at me with his just-turned six-year-old eyes and I could tell he was trying to understand, but in his heart, he wanted me to be happy in the sunshine and the gardens… with him.

I often talk about my love for my children and just the overall love of a mother… but what about the unconditional love our children have for us?

They’re so forgiving of our busyness… of our short tempers…
They’re always there with a hug, a kiss and big “I love you’s”…

They’re inquisitive natures and insatiable curiosities can be overwhelming some days…  But I must remember… they won’t be little long.

My hearts prayer is that as my children grow into adulthood they will always know how much I cherished their unconditional love…

Until next time,
Jean

Precious Moments of Motherhood

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” ~Elizabeth Stone

I just love when Evan comes in with his hands behind his back… then right behind him is little brother Aaron with his behind his back. They both have these cute, smirkey smiles like they’ve got this great big surprise for their mom.

Evan says, “Guess which hand mom?” Then Aaron giggles…

So like a good mom, I guess, secretly hoping I’m wrong because that makes them giggle all the more.

Both boys laugh and quickly throw their arms forward with whatever little treasure they’ve brought in for me. I laugh along with them giving them both big hugs and grateful words of praise for such a wonderful treasure. Off they skip outside full of glee. Ohhh to be six and three…

Motherhood is filled with days like this along with the not so happy ones. But thankfully I can say that for the most part I love being a mommy. I love the daily surprises some scary while others exciting.

They do own our hearts, don’t they? They have us mommies wrapped around their little lives from sun up till sun down. We nurture, feed, clothe, play and shower love upon them. It’s so much more fun to be a happy mom… one who doesn’t have grumpy days or loose ones temper too fast or say a hasty word in frustration.  But honestly, we have plenty of those days too…

But ya know what… that’s life. And some days life is full of sunshine and smiles while others are filled with sorrow and tears. It’s what we do with those things that counts.

Do we look up and say, “Praise the Lord!” with the tears as well as the joys? We need too… we need to teach our children to reach up… to trust… to believe that something good’s going to come out of it all.

Until next time,
Jean

Till Death Do Us Part

“A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.” Agatha Christie

‘Till death do us part’ is more typically thought of as a marriage vow… but wouldn’t you agree that it’s as much if not more passionately felt from the heart of a mother?  This very deep, heartfelt vow whispered into the small ear of a new-born baby being held for the first time. This vow between mother and child, I believe, is one that will rarely be broken.

The relationships I have with each of my children varies due to both age and gender. The little boys, three and six are still at that ‘need me’ stage… that can be wonderful and wearing at the same time. My little boys still love me to cuddle them while the older ones are looking for more verbal reassurance and support of their manliness. Taylor is looking to feel appreciated and respected for the woman she’s becoming.

I have several friends who’ve lost children both unexpectedly as well as to serious health issues. My heart mourned for my friends losses, yet I couldn’t bear the thought of loosing one of my own. I secretly thanked God that mine were spared. I felt so selfish for feeling like that… yet at the same time, I can’t believe I was the only one holding my children a little tighter the nights of those funerals.

We only hold onto our children for a short period of time. We don’t know if we’ll see them in the morning or again before bed…  My hearts prayer is that each one will know my deepest love for them and fully realize it will only be till death does it part.

Those mothers loved their children… and yes it was till death did they part…
Until next time,
Jean

Fly Away Home My Darling…

“When she transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty but of her weirdness. They wanted her to change back into what she always had been. But she had wings.”  -Dean Jackson

As mothers we can tend to be overly cautious where our children are concerned. It’s difficult to let them fly, so to speak.

Evan no longer takes naps, but when he did I’d often tell him how blessed he was to be able to lay down and take a nap and when he gets older he’s going to wish he’d be able to. Well all you mothers out there know how that goes with a little child. Complaints and pouting are the typical response.  Little do they realize that some day they’ll wish for a nap…

As my daughter grew into her teen years becoming an adult looked so appealing… grown ups get to do this and do that and they don’t have rules and on and on…. you moms with teens know this scenario as well.

Now that my daughter’s almost twenty, working full-time trying to earn an income and pay bills, being a grown up doesn’t seem so appealing and carefree any longer.

Isn’t that the way life goes? The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. We often want what we can’t have and think if we had this other thing surely we’d be happier.

We watch our children mature from an infant into adolescence into teenagers and then into young adulthood. We watch them gradually change from carefree, rambunctious toddlers into spirited, life chasing youth with dreams and desires. Some with far-reaching consequences.

We tend to value things a bit more as we mature… with age comes maturity and with maturity comes awareness.

Awareness of what is going on around us. What’s really important in our lives. Who is a blessing and who is destructive.

As mothers we want to see our children mature and grow becoming happy, productive adults.  Yet our mother heart longs to protect and hold onto them.

We watch them struggle as their wings slowly break forth, spreading open stretching and reaching…  and then suddenly taking flight.

When their wings break free… they have to fly..

…and so with love in our hearts we give them our blessing to fly away home my darling….

Until next time,
Jean

Her Words

The phone rang… it was Taylor. Happy to hear from her I answered cheerfully, “Hello!”

She didn’t say hello, but immediately asked, “When did that happen?”

She’d just read my blog post from the other day…  the one on intuition and me waking up in the middle of the night praying for her.

You see, I hadn’t told her about it because I didn’t want her to worry or freak out.  She’s a young woman driving to work at 3 am in the country.  There’s not a lot of traffic or people around, so it can be a little ‘spooky’…

I told her I actually couldn’t remember the night.  She wondered what time I woke up and prayed.
“It was about 3:30 am’ish,” I said.

Then she tells me what she didn’t want to tell me so I wouldn’t worry or freak out.

One morning on her way to work she almost ran a stop sign because she could hardly stay awake. There was an on-coming vehicle. It was very close she said.

Goosebumps. For both of us.

We talked a bit about the incident and the blog post… then I asked her, “Do you like my writing?”

“It sucks!” she says laughing.

“Really! You brat!” I said laughing back.

“No I like your writing… it’s interesting and captures your attention and makes you want to keep reading. Really… I like it mom…”

I respect her opinion because she’s an avid reader and a very intelligent young woman.
I respect her opinion because I know she wouldn’t blow smoke up my you know what.
I respect her opinion because I love her.

Her words encouraged me more than any other person’s could…
Her words were more precious to me than if they’d come from a Pulitzer prize winner…
Her words touched my heart more than words can describe…

As her mother there are some words that I’ve spoken over the years that I wish with all my heart that I could take back… words said hastily and quickly regretted…

My words… if only… if only…

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you oh God…”

Until next time,
Jean

Purpose

“Sometimes it’s the same moments that take your breath away that breathe purpose and love back into your life.”

~ Steve Maraboli ~

Loving someone has an incredible impact on your heart and soul. It’s causes both intense pain as well as overwhelming joy. My question today is, ‘What are you willing to do in the name of love? What are you willing to sacrifice? What are willing to tolerate?”

These pose some challenging thoughts running through my mind.

As a mother, I’m willing to go pretty far out…

As a Christian… well, maybe not so far….

Our children are literally blood of our blood, bone of our bone, flesh of our flesh. The pregnancy… the development… the childbirth…

The first time we look into those eyes there is an instant bond that no one can break… not even the child.

The first moment we hold them in our arms and feel their nakedness upon our own… the warmth… the natural instinct to die for this child.

The first moment that child suckles on you… you are its life source…

I remember everyone of my children grasping onto my finger for the first time…

I remember everyone of my children’s first movement within my body…

I remember the incredible feeling that leapt into my heart the first time I felt their bodies movement within my own…

I remember…

The anxiousness of their first time away from me. For a few of them they were never without me for the first year of their life… it wasn’t a burden. It wasn’t a difficult decision. It was by far my own. I wanted it that way. They won’t be little long…

I wouldn’t change a thing…

Except the disappointments I feel I caused in their lives.

Except the impatience I too often show.

How I wish I could take back those hasty words…

I have a purpose… and that purpose is to ‘train them in the way they should go, so when they are old they shall depart from it…’

Not only a purpose, but a deeply concentrated focus.

Let us each realize, those of us that have been given charge over a soul, remember whose it truly belongs to… the One above

A charge to keep we have…

Until next time,

Jean