What haunts your soul?

What haunts your soul? What dark thing dwells in you that hinders you from growing and moving forward?

Is it the regrets you allow your mind to linger in? Regrets deep within that no one else can?
Is it the torment that flows through your veins when you dwell on the mistakes you’ve made?
Is it the pain you’ve allowed for so long while you dreamed of freedom from the tormentor?
Is it the guilt that overwhelms your nights as you lie bathing your pillow with tears?

When you look into your past and focus on it to the point where you cannot move forward, you have to stop and ask yourself why?
Why are you allowing it to have this impact on you?

No matter how much one dwells on the demons of our pasts… nothing changes.
Nothing becomes focused or clear.
Nothing grows from it.
Nothing blossoms into beauty.
nothing…
nothing good comes from dwelling on past hurts.

Some of us have lived with the demons because of others insecurities.
Some of us have chosen to stay in situations because we can’t grasp the thought off moving away from it.

What are you afraid of?

Is it the thought of being alone?
Is it the dread of failure?
Is it the threat of ….

What is keeping you from the freedom that your soul is longing after?
What is holding you in bondage?

We all desire peace and happiness. We all long for the freedom that allows our soul to live unencumbered…

…dancing in the light of the moon…
…singing in the rain….
…strolling through a quiet wood listening to the leaves rustle in the trees…
…feeling the warmth of the sun and its power to direct your path.

Life is filled with demons.
Life is filled with fears.
Life is filled with…

Today choose the path that will lead you away from those things that haunt your soul.
Today step away and trust in the power that is within you to be strong and live.

Fear will consume.
Freedom will blossom.

Believing in your self-worth will bring you to a point where you can find joy in your life.

Until next time,
Jean

 

 

 

Relationships

“The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you.” John E. Southard

I love to watch the boys play and interact. It brings warm, fuzzy feelings to stand back and see the playful interactions…  although all too quickly those giggles of happiness flip into shrieks of, “NO!!!! THAT’S MY TOY!!!!”…. ahhhh yes, motherhood.  Sibling relations

Relationships can be like that too… mother-child, friends and lovers. Life is filled with challenges within those relationships… but how do we deal with them?

I believe all too often relationships can become toxic due to lack of proper communication. Feelings are bottled up. Lies are told and hidden for years. Trust is broken… never to be re-built. How we deal with these issues will determine the final outcome in a relationship.

Decisions.

Where do you draw the line?
Where do I draw the line?
What will you tolerate in a relationship?
What will I tolerate in a relationship?
… these are questions we’re all faced with everyday.

When you have a relationship that communication and honesty, along with God, are the foundations, it is one to be cherished.
One to be diligently worked on.
One to be appreciated.
… because I think it is rare.

As our interactions begin slowly and gradually build, we become comfortable with the familiarity of them.
This is when issues are more likely to arise…
But really… we saw the signs long before we believed them.
We felt the pain before we addressed it.
We hid behind our hopes believing the lies.

Step out.
Stop the noise.
Build faith.
Trust your gut…

Until next time,
Jean

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

“Mommy… I love you!” The words melt your heart because you know they are the truest ones you’ll ever hear from anyone. Your precious child… the one you carried and bore… the one that you would do anything for… no matter what.

Our children have the ability to inflict unspeakable joy as well as tremendous pain to our hearts and souls. Forgiveness and our unconditional love for them is what allows a mother to overlook the hurts… this level of love is reserved only to these souls who’ve entered into our lives. Spouses, lovers and friends are not subject to this type of unconditional love.

I’ve often told my children that their actions speak louder than their words… a cliché it may very well be, but so much truth is forced through this simple yet powerful statement. Our children may shower us with gifts and loving words, but actions of disobedience and disrespect reveal a disturbing truth. I understand fully that our children will do things that they’ll later regret and through their actions of genuine remorse, we see their love.

Relationships with adults are different. When you’ve opened up your heart and laid it upon the altar… bare and naked, you’ve given something of yourself. It’s the ‘do unto others as you’d have them do unto you’ kind of thing. Actions as well as words will create a loving bond between two people or drive a wedge between their two hearts. Love and trust must be nurtured or a necessary good-bye must sadly be said.

You find yourself at a crossroad and you have to ask yourself… “Are you going to do it again? Are you going to except the pain again?”

Before you step onto either road, consider your heart because actions do speak louder than words.
Until next time,
Jean

Thoughts

“We think too much and feel too little.” author unknown

Our thought life will determine our attitudes and feelings. It can be the light that shines the way or it can be the darkness that controls our fears. Either way, I am a firm believer that it your choice in which line of thought processing you live with.

I’ve always told the children that what they feed will grow and what they starve will die. This is true with living creatures as well as our thought life.

I try so desperately to reiterate they’re need to use the Lord as their guide for all their thoughts and actions.
It’s Him after all that we are striving to please…
Him that we invite into our heart and mind or shun away ashamedly at what we’re feasting our soul on…

Life if filled with temptations. Sadly though, poor choices seem much more readily available.  The world and it’s allurements entice ones mind to stray away from what they know to be good, true and right.

I often wonder why…
Why the Lord allows things to happen…
Why such bad things happen to good people…

Faith. Strength. Trust.
On these three things we rush on to each day.
We can stumble along in wonderment and constantly questioning… but really, where will we be in the end with this line of thinking?

Lonely. Afraid. Confused.
So many are tempted with these thoughts.
We don’t have to stumble. He is there to ever lead and direct our paths so that we can rise above the circumstances.

Rise… be calm… be alive…

Your thoughts will have two consequences, and they are simply joy or sorrow.
What are you feeding your soul?

Until next time,
Jean

Choices in life…

Unknown origin of photo

“I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become.” ~Carl Jung

The little boys are getting a bit stir crazy with having to be cooped in the house with all the wet weather we’ve been having.

They went outside and headed right for the mud puddles. What is it about little boys and girls and mud puddles?  There’s like this magnetic force that draws them in mysteriously calling out, “Come over here little boy! I would be sooooo much fun to jump in and make a total mess of yourself!”  So goes with little people.  It wonders me often why they make the choice to become disgustingly filthy…

Adults like children make choices. Sometimes we jump in proverbial puddles so to speak.  Too often decisions are made hastily… hence the boys jumping in the puddle getting themselves soaked and muddy. Too often decisions are made when emotions are not in proper perspective.

Whatever the situation, a far-reaching view is necessary when making life altering decisions.

No, little boys jumping in puddles is not life altering… but what about choosing an occupation and whether to begin or end a relationship? These can have long-lasting impacts on one’s life.

I often tell my children to think before they speak or do… think about what effect the decision will have not only on themselves but others.  As my daughter, almost twenty, has told me… “They are my decisions to make…”

Yes they are… so make them wisely.
Until next time,
Jean

Irony

“Life is so ironic. It takes sadness to know what happiness is, noise to appreciate silence and absence to value presence.”
Lessons Learned in Life

With six children, five of them boys,
the youngest two ages six and three…
silence is rare and golden to this mommy.

I write after everyone is in bed…

When…
the house is quiet and I can feel.

I can feel the void.
I can feel the emptiness.
I can feel the ache.
I can feel the silence that brings peace to a long day.

When…
the house is quiet and I can see.

I can see in my minds thoughts.
I can see my hearts aches and joys.
I can see moments I treasure.
Moments I want to capture here forever.
I can see what my soul is hungry for.

When…
the house is quiet and I can hear.

I can hear the silence that I treasure so deeply.
I can hear the soft hum of the flames in the cook stove.
I can hear the gentle crackling of the wood.
I can hear my heart and what it’s telling me.

When…
the house is quiet and I can.

My days will not forever be filled with the racket of little boys.
Toy trucks and tractors plowing the fields of corn on the living room carpet.
Talking and playing and banging and screeching.
Little boy noise.
Noise that seems endless will all too soon be only a memory.

I know that I will miss it eventually…
I know.

But right now…
I long for silence.
Just a bit of silence in the wee hours of the night.
Here in the dark hours is where I find my silence
until the morning sun rises
and my day begins afresh…

With my beloved little boy noise.

Until next time,
Jean

Little Boys

Sometimes I ask myself, “What in the world was the child thinking?”

Like when one took a blue permanent marker and colored on the wall beside the bed.

Like when they decided to play kick ball in the house and broke a window.

Like when they’re coloring famously and then suddenly stop… look at the crayon quite seriously… and then start snapping them in half.

Why? Do adults do that? I’m not sure, but I don’t think so… at least not rational thinking ones… pardon me to anyone reading this that may have done the above listed offences as an adult! But seriously, have you ever wondered this?

I have to believe that I’m not the only mom that has!

So, today Evan comes in the back door and very calmly and seriously says to me (as he’s taking off his boots), “Mom… Aaron just took my toy and threw it in the hole for the pond (not a big pond, just my little fish pond). He’s so mean!”

He didn’t really seem upset, other than his sleeve and pants were a bit muddy and wet from ‘fishing’ (no pun intended) his toy out of the little hole.

I ask him, “Where is Aaron?”

“He’s outside still,” says Evan

“Is he coming in?”

“Yeah! He’s comin’ in! He’s mean!” …off he goes to get into some dry clothes.

A couple of minutes later the back door opens again and in walks Aaron. He looks at me a bit bedazzled and starts his gibber relating his side of the story like only a three-year old can … as if he knew I was waiting to hear it.  He kicks off his boots, walks on up into the kitchen, rambles off a few more defenses and off he goes to find Evan.

I waited.  Waited some more. No problem.

So on I went peeling apples with my friend who’d come over for the day. We looked at each other and just chuckled.

Boys are kinda’ like that. If you have boys, you know exactly what I mean. They duke it out and get on with the game.  No fuss, no muss!

After awhile the laughter started and the tussling and the happy playing.

It was a good day… and I think they must have duked it out before they came in.

Until next time,
Jean

Precious Moments of Motherhood

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” ~Elizabeth Stone

I just love when Evan comes in with his hands behind his back… then right behind him is little brother Aaron with his behind his back. They both have these cute, smirkey smiles like they’ve got this great big surprise for their mom.

Evan says, “Guess which hand mom?” Then Aaron giggles…

So like a good mom, I guess, secretly hoping I’m wrong because that makes them giggle all the more.

Both boys laugh and quickly throw their arms forward with whatever little treasure they’ve brought in for me. I laugh along with them giving them both big hugs and grateful words of praise for such a wonderful treasure. Off they skip outside full of glee. Ohhh to be six and three…

Motherhood is filled with days like this along with the not so happy ones. But thankfully I can say that for the most part I love being a mommy. I love the daily surprises some scary while others exciting.

They do own our hearts, don’t they? They have us mommies wrapped around their little lives from sun up till sun down. We nurture, feed, clothe, play and shower love upon them. It’s so much more fun to be a happy mom… one who doesn’t have grumpy days or loose ones temper too fast or say a hasty word in frustration.  But honestly, we have plenty of those days too…

But ya know what… that’s life. And some days life is full of sunshine and smiles while others are filled with sorrow and tears. It’s what we do with those things that counts.

Do we look up and say, “Praise the Lord!” with the tears as well as the joys? We need too… we need to teach our children to reach up… to trust… to believe that something good’s going to come out of it all.

Until next time,
Jean

Till Death Do Us Part

“A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.” Agatha Christie

‘Till death do us part’ is more typically thought of as a marriage vow… but wouldn’t you agree that it’s as much if not more passionately felt from the heart of a mother?  This very deep, heartfelt vow whispered into the small ear of a new-born baby being held for the first time. This vow between mother and child, I believe, is one that will rarely be broken.

The relationships I have with each of my children varies due to both age and gender. The little boys, three and six are still at that ‘need me’ stage… that can be wonderful and wearing at the same time. My little boys still love me to cuddle them while the older ones are looking for more verbal reassurance and support of their manliness. Taylor is looking to feel appreciated and respected for the woman she’s becoming.

I have several friends who’ve lost children both unexpectedly as well as to serious health issues. My heart mourned for my friends losses, yet I couldn’t bear the thought of loosing one of my own. I secretly thanked God that mine were spared. I felt so selfish for feeling like that… yet at the same time, I can’t believe I was the only one holding my children a little tighter the nights of those funerals.

We only hold onto our children for a short period of time. We don’t know if we’ll see them in the morning or again before bed…  My hearts prayer is that each one will know my deepest love for them and fully realize it will only be till death does it part.

Those mothers loved their children… and yes it was till death did they part…
Until next time,
Jean

Fly Away Home My Darling…

“When she transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty but of her weirdness. They wanted her to change back into what she always had been. But she had wings.”  -Dean Jackson

As mothers we can tend to be overly cautious where our children are concerned. It’s difficult to let them fly, so to speak.

Evan no longer takes naps, but when he did I’d often tell him how blessed he was to be able to lay down and take a nap and when he gets older he’s going to wish he’d be able to. Well all you mothers out there know how that goes with a little child. Complaints and pouting are the typical response.  Little do they realize that some day they’ll wish for a nap…

As my daughter grew into her teen years becoming an adult looked so appealing… grown ups get to do this and do that and they don’t have rules and on and on…. you moms with teens know this scenario as well.

Now that my daughter’s almost twenty, working full-time trying to earn an income and pay bills, being a grown up doesn’t seem so appealing and carefree any longer.

Isn’t that the way life goes? The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. We often want what we can’t have and think if we had this other thing surely we’d be happier.

We watch our children mature from an infant into adolescence into teenagers and then into young adulthood. We watch them gradually change from carefree, rambunctious toddlers into spirited, life chasing youth with dreams and desires. Some with far-reaching consequences.

We tend to value things a bit more as we mature… with age comes maturity and with maturity comes awareness.

Awareness of what is going on around us. What’s really important in our lives. Who is a blessing and who is destructive.

As mothers we want to see our children mature and grow becoming happy, productive adults.  Yet our mother heart longs to protect and hold onto them.

We watch them struggle as their wings slowly break forth, spreading open stretching and reaching…  and then suddenly taking flight.

When their wings break free… they have to fly..

…and so with love in our hearts we give them our blessing to fly away home my darling….

Until next time,
Jean