On Butterfly Wings

“Who would crush a butterfly on the wing?  Who would crush this woman under foot? ” Lyrics from “Soul Asylum” by The Cult

There’s something seriously deep in this quote…

As a psych major for most of my college days, I tend to analyze things to death. I want to believe there are secret meanings in a persons statement…
Some deep understanding  that I need to discover…
A pain… a joy… a fear… something… something that someone is trying to say in hidden messages.

I think I do this because it’s real to me.

I love music.  Not just the sounds, but more intensely the lyrics.
There are days when I feel the music in my soul… the words are my hearts ache and cry… my joys and laughter…
Words… hidden meanings within them.

For so many years I lived a lie… a secret that only we knew.
The smile I wore for so long was a façade to a degree… one that was hiding so much sorrow and pain behind it.
My heart ached for freedom from the pain but I clung to hopes for something better…
Something for my children.

But I smiled.
I was happy when I was away doing what I loved with people I loved.

Have you ever given your all out of such a deep love and devotion for someone else?
Laid your own joy, peace and happiness to the side for someone else?
If you’ve sacrificed like this, you understand that pain.
You understand the sheer agony that dwells within…trying to escape, but hanging on for them…

Love and sacrifice…. that’s what we as mothers give for our children.
I wonder what it all gained some days…

Some days I believe that I did more harm than good.
Yet I’m encouraged along to not feel like that… that someday they’ll realize the sacrifice.

I don’t know…

Until next time,
Jean